Not so terrible, after all: Two‑year‑olds just want to be independent Lisa Lock Scientific Editor Andrew Zinin Chief Editor A 2-year-old is lying on the floor yelling, with their socks pulled off after spending 15 minutes trying to get them on in the first place. A caregiver might take a deep breath and think, "Here we go again—another 'terrible twos' tantrum." What is really going on? Toddlers are developing autonomy and a growing sense of self.

They are becoming aware that they are separate from other people and can make their own choices. As 2-year-olds and other young children develop this understanding of themselves, they may express strong emotions when decisions are made for them, tasks are completed on their behalf or they are quickly moved from one activity to another. These reactions are often a response to their growing desire for independence and their inexperience calmly communicating their emotions.

What you might call a "temper tantrum" may instead be a young child communicating their emotions in the best way they know how. These expressions of emotion may continue when they are not supported or understood from a different perspective. As an assistant professor in early childhood education, I have worked alongside young children for more than 25 years.

I feel it's important to recognize that supporting young children, especially 2-year-olds, takes time. Caring for a toddler can be challenging and requires patience. There are strategies that caregivers and teachers can consider to support young children as they navigate those big emotions and enthusiastic quests for independence.

When adults can help establish routines and listen to what young children are actually trying to communicate, it becomes easier to understand that a toddler screaming and thrashing on the floor is trying to express themselves. Meeting young children where they are Children typically begin gaining autonomy around age 2. When a child reaches this milestone, parents and other caregivers may notice they begin saying "no" more often.

This increase in "no" shows that the child is developing an understanding of themselves as separate from others and recognizing their ability to make choices. While you might find it challenging when young children refuse to have their diaper changed or insist on getting dressed themselves, it is also a healthy sign of independence. Offering choices whenever possible also supports a youngster's growing independence.

Children could choose between two outfits for the day, for example. Or they could pick between three snack options and make many other simple decisions throughout the day. Adults could let young children know that it is time to wash their hands, for example, and then ask whether the child would like to wash independently or have help.

Because 2-year-olds are eager to assert their independence, they will often choose to do it themselves. However, if they choose help or do not easily transition at all, it is important to calmly follow through by providing assistance and encouraging them through the transition. This kind of consistent follow-through helps children learn what is expected of them while still respecting their growing independence.